Frank: *making cow sounds* Violet: You do realize that’s their mating call, right? Frank: Then I guess I’m getting married.

My house is a hostile environment.  Two things: This fly. It’s not only a Night Fly, so it never sleeps (still up. It’s a Meth Fly, I guess). And it’s the aggressive kind that constantly buzz your head and face and never land. I am very angry with this fly. Second, someone spilled water on […]

Tomorrow, while I slave away at work, Cedric and Noah arrive at my house. They’ll stay overnight, and the next day I’ll slave away at work again while Hannah hogs Noah even more, making him love her more than he loves me. Through all this, I will continue to love all my children equally, and will not […]

Troy, David and Violet are about to leave on a backpacking trip in Yosemite. They are going to have so much fun! We will have fun, too. Except Hannah and Frank, who have back-to-school colds, even though we don’t go back to school. Because other kids go back to school and get colds, then spread […]

Not to toot my own horn, but a woman I met in prison called me a “young tender.”  

Here’s what I like to do: When I get my water bill? I don’t pay it right away. That’s what everyone does. So boring. So expected. I like to just let it sit in a drawer. Let it fester. And then when it’s due I just let it fester some more. Wait a bit. Prolong the anticipation […]

We sold our truck years ago.  I immediately headed to the bank to deposit the Cashiers Check and was able to go straight to the teller window because I was the only person in the bank. The new and slightly timid teller starts the transaction but informs me that she will need to put a […]